Many can’t see through me.
Many don’t see me the way I really am.
Many won’t even try.

Many will never see me the way I want to be seen.

More Than Words

You changed my life in so many ways
I just look back to how I used to be
And how you dealt with me just want to thank you for.. 

Just in case I never see your face again 
Just in case the worst was meant to happen
Just in case tomorrow never come there is something you should know 
I’ve given you every bit of the man I am 
I know at times it wasn’t pretty but it was all I had 
I never held back not one lil bit and the world can attest to this 
And baby you flipped my program upside down

I was a hustler and player girl before I met you 
I’d drink a lil something then hit a lil something 
But how you made a difference, look what i’ve been missing 
You got my life together and I thank you forever 
I really used to throw a lot 
But I do one every night and sometimes I had two 
But all that done changed my game my frame of mind you got it right 
And I love you life girl I love you for life 

There was so many times I wasn’t there for you 
And for everyone of those times I hated myself for 
The way I went about it the ups and the downs one foot in while the other foots out 
Loving on you loving on another and I ain’t no different from any of the brothers 
What I did to you right here right now in this here place 
In this here space as my heart pour out as I state my case as I break it down 
To tell you where I’m coming from so you’ve seen the good you’ve done 
So you’ve feel the change you’ve made stay with me everyday 

Girl if I died tonight before I wake 
Know that you touched my life in oh so many ways 
And sugar this song is this I had to give would you remember 
Remember my heart remember it was good remember that I tried as long as I could 
Remember that I gave till I had nothing else remember my voice 

‘Before I Met You’ - Usher

I find this as a very beautiful song. I can relate to it a lot. Baby before i met you, i really was lost. Well not really before i MET you, lets just say before i GOT you. Cuz you know our past… ANyways before us, I didnt know what i was doing. I wasnt sure of anything. You changed everything though. No i was never a hustler, no i was never a player. But i was getting into bad things. I was all up in the drinking scene. I was getting into the whole smoking scene. I was doing bad things before we got together.  When we got together i threw myself together… and i thank you for everything baby. And i know this might sound alot like what other guys might say, but you really did change my life. And im not even exaggerating it. What could i be doing right now? or where would i b right now? If we werent together? I dont know… I really dont know. And i do not WANT to know. Because i know that where ever i would’ve been if we werent together isnt a good place. I just hope you know that you touched my heart and my life so so dramatically. Even though I been with other girls before. Even though I said the words ‘i love you’ to other girls. I never knew that i could mean it as much as i mean it when i say it to you. And i said that ebfore you and i got together i wasnt sure of anything right. Well now I wanna tell you, that because i am with you, I am still not sure of everything, BUT I AM SURE of one thing. That one thing is us.

Thank you for being apart of my life baby. Thank you for being my girl friend. Thank you for being there making me a better man everyday. Thank you Hyna Kaye Borja. 

Life is hard, I try not to cry at all
struggle the pain inside and I write them bars
if you hated me enough, would you aim and shoot me?
if I died right now, would you say you knew me?
life’s not a movie, no happy end
who’s real and who’s down? gotta watch your friends
when I drop them rhymes you can feel my presence
say it loud and clear so you can hear my message
fake inside every single person
ain’t nobody the same, ain’t nobody perfect
some say they down, but later you found out
they’re lying, and you moving on a down route
I’m the same as you and I gotta pay to eat
gettin’ hungry, makin’ money, it’s a daily routine
I throw on a loop, put it on repeat
grab a pen and a pad and dedicate it to the streets

‘Brighter Days’ - J. Reyez

So, today a song popped into my mind. A song i used to listen a lot. It’s about God. It’s about learning to let go. Let go of all your fears. Let go of basically everything on your mind. And i always used to think it was a really good song. It helped me get through a lot of my roughest days. Well no, i can’t say the song got me through the day. God got me through the day. The song was just a reminder that He is around. He is in me. In all of us. And i sat here. I just thought. I haven’t prayed a lot lately. I haven’t been the best Christian I can be. I’m not too great of anything. I’m not a perfect son, not a perfect student, not a perfect friend, not even a perfect boyfriend. I’m simply not perfect. I wish I could be a better Christian. So now I think I wanna try again. I need to be better. I need be nicer. I need to try harder. I just feel bad that I forget to pray every night, and the only time i ever do is when i need something. But now i’ll try my best to remember. I’ll try my best to be closer with God and be better Christian, a better human all together.

The only way to be better with others, is to be better with God.

Where are you?
What’s going on?
Why does its feel like this?
I know you’re close.
But still you feel so far away.
I haven’t seen you for so long.
We haven’t had time lately.
I mean.
I see you everyday.
But at the same time, I don’t.
I know.
I shouldn’t be one to complain.
I should take it like a man.
Walk right through it.
Right?
I don’t know.
I guess.
I just.

Miss you…